Spread 'Em!

Let's face it, urban blight wreaks havoc on your feet. Dry callouses, brittle toenails, and a variety of nasty funguses could easily result if you spend any amount of time in the city. But this parking lot gives back and offers you tools to combat what ails ya. You just have to be lucky enough to spot 'em.

Spreading your toes is as easy as spreading pink eye in a public swimming pool with these gems. Toes and nail polish not included, but if you rummage through the contents of the Parking Lot Diaries, I'm sure you'll be able to find some.

Headache Support

If you have a headache, we're sorry to hear that. Fortunately, if you're passing through our lot, we may have just what you need to remedy your head pains. Spend hours mulling over choices hundreds of choices at your local pharmacy, or head on over to the lot for either Motrin or Aleve. They're both national brands and not that nonsensically questionable store brand crap. They're free here and guaranteed to cure what ails ya.* 

*I can neither guarantee these boxes contain medications, nor can I definitively state the contents are actually the drugs they claim to be. Look, it's a sketchy lot, not a reputable business establishment. Consume at your own risk.

Assault and Battery

Our sketchy lot has been known to be the location of scandalous activities, as evidenced by the array of items we find here. So, it goes without saying that it's not a far cry for the parking lot to feature squabbles that escalate to something more. But we're punny here and we use word plays quite frequently. This post is just another, so calm down. No one was harmed in the making of this entry.

Maybe we just to need to recharge from the weekend. There were lots of festivities the last few days and although our parking lot looks a little rough any other time, the revelry was certainly hangover-and-headache-inducing. But, alas, it's Monday and it's time to energize once again for the week ahead (again, with the puns. Don't judge.)

Sauced on the Lot

The food industry is a rough place to work. The wait staff on the front lines are the face of the business: refilling empty glasses, supplying extra napkins, returning plates for demanding consumers, among other things. Arguably, the kitchen is an even rougher...and more DANGEROUS...place to work. High temps, sharp objects, and oil slicks are just a few obstacles the kitchen staff must maneuver around. It doesn't matter if you're working at a greasy spoon where the line cooks wear paper hats or a classy 5-star restaurant with linen napkins, the life of a restaurant employee isn't easy.

And sometimes when the work day is done, you just wanna toss your hairnet and enjoy a cold brew. Then smash that bottle and throw hot sauce confetti to celebrate an end to another shift. The Parking Lot is the place to be, no matter what occasion you're celebrating. 

A Shot Rang Out

A Jello shot, that is. We may have a sketchy lot, but not everything is about inner city drive-by shootings. Mmmkay? It may be litter, but occasionally we do have happy news to report here at the Parking Lot Diaries.

Clearly, some revelers were having a joyous celebration on the ol' pavement of our office building. The technique used to get all the alcohol-soaked goo from the little plastic tub is questionable. We all know the right person would have slurped out ever glob. A person familiar with these shots may have taken their finger to loosen up the Jello around the edges before sucking it down. A pro would have tactfully used their tongue all around (if there is any tact to be had when enjoying a Jello shot).

What remains here, folks, is the product of a beginner. We've all got to start somewhere, even if it is in this parking lot.

Axe Murderer

So, we've all see the Axe body spray commercials. If you're a dude and you use this stuff, the women just won't leave you alone. They'll practically be throwing themselves at you because you'll smell all macho and women just love macho-scented men. Great marketing campaign. But anyone who's actually inhaled this stuff knows a little spritz is enough to choke a horse.

 

I suspect a lady's man, wanting to make a fine impression on his lady friend whipped out this stuff to freshen up and she punched him right in the stomach as his finger readied to press the button on top of the can. Such an action from the woman caused her would-be date to drop the Axe in our lot right along with the rest of the garbage that lies here.

 

If you suspected this Parking Lot Diaries entry was about someone getting whacked in our parking lot or that we found an axe, we're incredibly sorry to disappoint. To date, we're happy to report there have been no axes nor axe murders in our lot. However, a large hunting knife with a retractable blade was found. This lot aims to please our morbid curiosities.

Celebration Cut Short

This morning brought about something that could be incredibly sad. When I pulled into work today, I spotted this gem. At first glance, it's just another empty bottle. Sure, we're used to the broken beer bottle and other such ale and hops riff-raff, but this specimen here is one of the finer varieties of alcoholic treats. Upon closer inspection, we see that there's quite a bit of sparkling wine in this bottle. Undoubtedly, this is what remains from a party cut short. I refuse to believe someone(s) simply didn't care for the taste of "Berry Fusion". Because, come on, it's berries, man. Who doesn't like the taste of berries?

Lot lizards, that's who. Lot lizards clearly prefer something citrusy. (And you thought that was a rhetorical question. Just goes to show ya, anything can happen on this lot. And it usually does.)