Smoking May Cause Headaches

Because sometimes you just need to store your Marlboro pack in your Aleve box. Plus, it helps cut back on the space your freakin' litter takes up, making more room for even more garbage. If you're going to litter, please do so responsibly. Environmental harm reduction.

Like a Surgeon

If ever you need to conduct routine back-alley surgery or there's been a SARS outbreak scare, the Parking Lot is stocked with a face mask for whatever your needs may be. Please be advised, however, we cannot guarantee this item is free from holes, tears, or manufacturer's defect. Use at your own risk.*

*If you're on your way to a creepy costume party, and you're looking for form over function, what a fun little accessory!

Bloody Monday

The Parking Lot has become somewhat of a legend, at least to us, since its inception. Yeah, I get the benefit of working here every day, so I may see more than most. But colleagues who visit our building periodically for meetings comment on the random stuff they see in our lot. It's quite amusing to hear people compare stories about the randomness they find in our lot...serendipitously, and without looking for it. Fortunately enough, no one's terrified by what they find, but moreover entertained by the objects they spot. Then again, if they were terrified, they probably wouldn't profess their fear. At least not to us because the real fear is that we'd make fun of them. And rightfully so.

But then, there are things like this that not only defy explanation, but haunt us. The wound that caused these blood droplets on the pavement must be midway between paper cut and traumatic head wound. More questions are left than those that are answered. It's quite clear: there are blood stains on the concrete. Who they came from and how it happened will probably never be answered. Just another day in the Parking Lot, where anything can happen...unfortunately.

Bitterly Cold and Tons of Snow

We need to warm up stat! Fortunately, The Parking Lot has everything you need to make a fire. A lighter or a match will spark your flame. And mulch and discarded cigarette butts make great kindling.

*Please note, these pics were taken just before the Artic blast struck. You will have to shovel out these items. The Parking Lot Diaries is not responsible for unearthing unwanted items. Dig at your own risk!

Goodbye 2013!

Out with the old in with the new, eh? The Parking Lot is bound to be bountiful in the new year. It's brought us everything from busted bottles and discarded lottery scratch-offs to penis cakes and tangled weaves. Certainly 2014 brings with it an all-new level of skank.

At The Parking Lot Diaries, we wish you a safe and happy new year. So, when you celebrate all that 2013 was and you hope 2014 will be, if your New Year's Eve night ends with a bang, be safe about it. And even if your celebration is low-key, be careful out there. It's a crazy world and anything can happen, as evidenced by these snapshots we take in our sketchy lot.

Crystal White Christmas

Here in the Midwest, it wouldn't be Christmas without snow. Everyone dreams of a white Christmas; the song's a classic. But we don't have snow today. That's not going to keep the parking lot from being festive! It's not as good as real snow, but sometimes you just have to improvise. We present to you synthetic snow crystals in the form of broken auto glass!

 

The Parking Lot Diaries wishes you a safe and happy holiday!*

*You're probably much safer and undoubtedly happier if you're not on our lot.

High Society

In each culture, it's necessary to align with social pressures to fit in. Any misstep in conversation or fashion faux pas, and you're bound to be banished to the kiddie table at the next big family get together. Of course, these ways of conducting ourselves vary greatly for men and for women. In a way, women are held to a higher standard than men. Men can get away without wearing a speck of makeup, bleaching their mustaches, or shaving their legs. Men can belch, and will even turn an awkward fart into a hilariously executed punctuation within a conversation.

 

Unfortunately, however, it's no so easy for women. Social norms dictate women must look and behave a certain, proper way. Women who venture out of the house without painting their faces are often criticized for not doing so. And neglecting to bleach stray upper lip hairs? Some women would rather curl up and hide than have anyone spot them with unwanted body hair. Many women look forward to the winter months where pants and long skirts hide their unshaven legs so they can enjoy a little lapse in social pressures for their legs to look a certain way.

 

The rituals women go through on a daily basis to fit in with social pressures are cumbersome and time-consuming. It's possible in the quest for perfection, a step of the beauty regimen is incomplete or abandoned all together in an effort to make it to the office on time. Or say, there's just not enough time to shave your legs before leaving home. Well, you guessed it, the Parking Lot has you covered!

 

Sanitarily contained in a Ziploc baggy is your own pink razor (how feminine!). Your new razor's name is "Indigo Knight", which is coincidentally the name of a modeling agency in Louisiana. Now, if that hidden wintery leg stubble is leaving you feeling inadequate, you sneak a few shaves in your work day.

 

Oh, and speaking of hygiene double standards, the Parking Lot also has menstrual pads available free of charge.