Balloon Knot

At some point in time, there was a celebration in our parking lot's adjoining brick alley. As evidenced in this snapshot, there's a busted a withered knot, a remnant from a blue balloon. Balloons are typically indicative of a good time, so its placement in our lot is questionable. It's also doubtful you'll find another dirty balloon knot of this sort on the internet.

Goodbye 2013!

Out with the old in with the new, eh? The Parking Lot is bound to be bountiful in the new year. It's brought us everything from busted bottles and discarded lottery scratch-offs to penis cakes and tangled weaves. Certainly 2014 brings with it an all-new level of skank.

At The Parking Lot Diaries, we wish you a safe and happy new year. So, when you celebrate all that 2013 was and you hope 2014 will be, if your New Year's Eve night ends with a bang, be safe about it. And even if your celebration is low-key, be careful out there. It's a crazy world and anything can happen, as evidenced by these snapshots we take in our sketchy lot.

High Society

In each culture, it's necessary to align with social pressures to fit in. Any misstep in conversation or fashion faux pas, and you're bound to be banished to the kiddie table at the next big family get together. Of course, these ways of conducting ourselves vary greatly for men and for women. In a way, women are held to a higher standard than men. Men can get away without wearing a speck of makeup, bleaching their mustaches, or shaving their legs. Men can belch, and will even turn an awkward fart into a hilariously executed punctuation within a conversation.

 

Unfortunately, however, it's no so easy for women. Social norms dictate women must look and behave a certain, proper way. Women who venture out of the house without painting their faces are often criticized for not doing so. And neglecting to bleach stray upper lip hairs? Some women would rather curl up and hide than have anyone spot them with unwanted body hair. Many women look forward to the winter months where pants and long skirts hide their unshaven legs so they can enjoy a little lapse in social pressures for their legs to look a certain way.

 

The rituals women go through on a daily basis to fit in with social pressures are cumbersome and time-consuming. It's possible in the quest for perfection, a step of the beauty regimen is incomplete or abandoned all together in an effort to make it to the office on time. Or say, there's just not enough time to shave your legs before leaving home. Well, you guessed it, the Parking Lot has you covered!

 

Sanitarily contained in a Ziploc baggy is your own pink razor (how feminine!). Your new razor's name is "Indigo Knight", which is coincidentally the name of a modeling agency in Louisiana. Now, if that hidden wintery leg stubble is leaving you feeling inadequate, you sneak a few shaves in your work day.

 

Oh, and speaking of hygiene double standards, the Parking Lot also has menstrual pads available free of charge.

Edible Anatomy Lesson

It's important to honor people we care about, especially for momentous occasions such as upcoming weddings, goings away, and baby welcomings. Let's face it, birthdays are important, but they happen every year. Only genuinely rare occasions are worthy of extra special touches. The thought expressed in the presentation of a handmade centerpiece for each table at a get-together may have otherwise gone unnoticed if the party planner omitted it from the decorations. However, with the properly executed design and placement, the centerpiece is sure to attract plenty of attention.

Enter the penis cake. We're all aware of the taboo of that certain male body part. Practically synonymous with any heterosexual woman's last night out as a single woman, the penis cake is a staple of bachelorette parties nationwide. Apparently, it's also hip at birthday parties and parking lots. Okay, well maybe just one lot specifically. Our lot.

Monday morning brought about this completely intact penis cake, replete with chocolate sprinkle pubic hairs and a festive "HAPPY B-DAY" on the top edge of the foil-covered cardboard platter. Sure, the frosting is a little melted, but after spending the night in this parking lot, things could be a lot worse for this weary cake.

So, if you're on your way to an adult birthday party and in need of a centerpiece for your celebration, swing by the parking lot to grab your table accoutrement!