Goodbye 2013!

Out with the old in with the new, eh? The Parking Lot is bound to be bountiful in the new year. It's brought us everything from busted bottles and discarded lottery scratch-offs to penis cakes and tangled weaves. Certainly 2014 brings with it an all-new level of skank.

At The Parking Lot Diaries, we wish you a safe and happy new year. So, when you celebrate all that 2013 was and you hope 2014 will be, if your New Year's Eve night ends with a bang, be safe about it. And even if your celebration is low-key, be careful out there. It's a crazy world and anything can happen, as evidenced by these snapshots we take in our sketchy lot.

Crystal White Christmas

Here in the Midwest, it wouldn't be Christmas without snow. Everyone dreams of a white Christmas; the song's a classic. But we don't have snow today. That's not going to keep the parking lot from being festive! It's not as good as real snow, but sometimes you just have to improvise. We present to you synthetic snow crystals in the form of broken auto glass!

 

The Parking Lot Diaries wishes you a safe and happy holiday!*

*You're probably much safer and undoubtedly happier if you're not on our lot.

High Society

In each culture, it's necessary to align with social pressures to fit in. Any misstep in conversation or fashion faux pas, and you're bound to be banished to the kiddie table at the next big family get together. Of course, these ways of conducting ourselves vary greatly for men and for women. In a way, women are held to a higher standard than men. Men can get away without wearing a speck of makeup, bleaching their mustaches, or shaving their legs. Men can belch, and will even turn an awkward fart into a hilariously executed punctuation within a conversation.

 

Unfortunately, however, it's no so easy for women. Social norms dictate women must look and behave a certain, proper way. Women who venture out of the house without painting their faces are often criticized for not doing so. And neglecting to bleach stray upper lip hairs? Some women would rather curl up and hide than have anyone spot them with unwanted body hair. Many women look forward to the winter months where pants and long skirts hide their unshaven legs so they can enjoy a little lapse in social pressures for their legs to look a certain way.

 

The rituals women go through on a daily basis to fit in with social pressures are cumbersome and time-consuming. It's possible in the quest for perfection, a step of the beauty regimen is incomplete or abandoned all together in an effort to make it to the office on time. Or say, there's just not enough time to shave your legs before leaving home. Well, you guessed it, the Parking Lot has you covered!

 

Sanitarily contained in a Ziploc baggy is your own pink razor (how feminine!). Your new razor's name is "Indigo Knight", which is coincidentally the name of a modeling agency in Louisiana. Now, if that hidden wintery leg stubble is leaving you feeling inadequate, you sneak a few shaves in your work day.

 

Oh, and speaking of hygiene double standards, the Parking Lot also has menstrual pads available free of charge.

Quickie.

There's nothing quite like having a quickie in the parking lot. 'Cept maybe this parking lot. Who wants a quickie here? Nevermind. Don't answer that, I don't even want to know. However, since I'm pressed for time, I offer you this installment of The Parking Lot Diaries because sometimes when you're in a hurry you leave skid marks. Or rather a single skid mark.

How do things like this happen?!

Seasonal Tradition

Tradition tells us that the day after Thanksgiving is the day to venture out to the mall or your favorite shopping grounds and buy crap for your loved ones to celebrate Christmas.

 

When I was growing up, I don't remember the term "Black Friday" was thrown around as loosely as it is today. For some, shopping for good boys and girls is what the season's all about. For others, the season has more emphasis on the tradition of togetherness and family bonding. Eggnog flowing, hanging up the stockings, and decorating for the ol' yule time. Picking the perfect pine tree from an orchard, hacking it down, and bringing it home to decorate it with handmade ornaments and tinsel are what stories of Christmas are made of. It's all about the tree and the company who helps put it all together.

 

In contrast, however, on the lot you just make due with what's available. Fortunately enough, we've found a tree for our festivities!