Sweat It Out

Today's find is nothing short of creepy. It's a sweater. I think. Looks like the remnants of something washed ashore long after a missing person's report was filed. But, there's no body of water nearby. Here at the Parking Lot Diaries, we are highly suspect of anything that appears.

Sure, it could be another dirty, unassuming piece of someone's forgotten wardrobe, but its journey to our lot is certainly just as eerie.

The Key to Success

As the sayin' goes, there's no such thing as bad advertising. The key to success is getting your name out there. Businesses and even people promote their products and services through a wide array of marketing devices. It's important to know who your audience is and to reach out and command their attention.

 

If you make your marketing materials functional, you can reach a greater audience. Advertising on an ink pen, for example, has the potential to reach many more people than the ad on the back of a weekly circular. That crap's gonna get tossed away with the garbage...but an ink pen, oh no. You've really got something there.

 

Plastic cups are good too, because who doesn't like a reusable plastic cup with your logo emblazoned on it? Loudly profess your love for your favorite pizza place or law firm when you're entertaining guests on your back patio while you're serving up bubbly brews.

 

In this lot, you'll find a bunch of gimmicky marketing tactics strewn about the pavement. It's really where garbage goes to die. Sometimes you'll find a pen advertising this place or that. Other times, you'll see marketing on the side of a discarded cup. Then again, you'll always have rare gems like this shopping cart keychain. 

Lens-less in the Lot

We continue to be amazed not just by the sheer volume of debris in the parking lot, but by the total randomness of much of it. Sure, there's a ton of cigarette butts and fast food packaging, but mixed in with all that standard debris is a never-ending mix of weave, dental floss, and broken glass. And sometimes, sometimes you find that rare gem, even rare for our parking lot. As mentioned in our previous post, it's not every day you see an intact penis cake when you step out of your car in the morning.

And yet invariably, these things happen. Many items end up here, each with its own story, a history of how it arrived in our parking lot. We can only speculate how it came to be, but it's certainly interesting to document this random stuff and pose the question: "What the hell?!"

Today's find is a single eyeglass lens, with no frame or matching lens to be found. It's nearly opaque from the scuffs on the surface. How does this even happen? Even if the lens casually popped out from someone's lens, how could that person go about their day sans one lens? Most assuredly, there was a scuffle. Perhaps a mugging, where the perpetrator smashed the victim in the face, busting their lens out. The victim laid unconscious in a pool of their own blood and when they awoke, the need for medical attention outweighed the need to retrieve the lost lens. Or maybe, just maybe, the mugger wanted to rob the muggee of their eyeglass frame and their left lens. Because the mugger is an eye-patch-wearin' pirate.

Regardless of how it arrived in our parking lot, a single lens lies scuffed on the asphalt in this installment of the Parking Lot Diaries.

Weave Me Alone

Invariably, there's bound to be some random hair swatches in the parking lot. Not sure quite how this happens. Maybe it was just really windy. Perhaps a hair-tearing fight ensued. Cheap glue is always a possibility. In any event, the amount of weave in this parking lot gives us pause to reflect on why the heck this lot is so special. And I refuse to believe it's anything more than weave.


More importantly, how can someone go about their business after losing their hair extensions in the parking lot? Certainly, they're experiencing the proverbial Bad Hair Day after suffering such a loss. Perhaps at the point you lose a clump of your 'do, it's time to just call it a day and just go home. I know if it were me, I'd be in such a lousy mood, I'd retreat to my bedroom and pull the covers up over my head. Certainly tomorrow brings a brighter day.

Fashion Forward!

It's important to accessorize, especially on the go. You never know who may come across and you want to be fashionable. Whether you've arranged a play date with your pimp, or you're going to a casual business meeting, having the right accessories is paramount to your success. Fortunately, if you failed to remember to wear a complete set of earrings, there just may be options for you in the parking lot.

Say you're looking for a simple, albeit dented, hoop. We can help. A passerby stepped on the earring, giving it its signature dent. But that's the nature of parking lot jewelry. Never perfect, but chock full of character. The hoop measures about 2 inches in diameter and is coated in some gold-colored substance. This perfectly fine accessory has been abandoned for your use. Bacterial infection guaranteed.






Need a little extra sparkle to make it though the day? Perhaps a questionably pink "gemstone" is more your style. The detailed bezel cut is accented with a faux gold setting. Although this stud lacks a back to secure the earring in place, a nearby discarded cigarette butt can easily be converted into an earring back.









Of course, no amount of jewelry is appropriate without a little more preparation in your daily routine. Earrings are simply ornaments for the sides of our head. They highlight our face. But if our faces are incomplete, we may as well go back to bed and shut off the light. Who would recognize us without our faces. We're talking makeup. Rouge is important. Failing to apply it can ruin your day. But if your compact is lacking a brush to apply your blush, search no further.